Features
MU experts offer advice on talking to children about hate
Eileen Yager, Communications Officer,
Extension & Ag Information
University of Missouri,
yagere@umsystem.edu
While public officials advise citizens to avoid this weekend's demonstration by the National Socialist Movement and community groups are planning alternative activities, parents need to acknowledge to their children that hate groups exist, according to a University of Missouri human development specialist.
Parents can use the event as a springboard for talking about tolerance and respect, said Kim Allen with MU Extension's ParentLink.
"We need to use these events as teaching moments to talk about hate and reinforce our values," Allen said. "Kids know more than we give them credit for, so we as parents need to talk with our children."
Such conversations, she said, are valuable for all children, even if they are not part of a targeted group. "If you're part of a targeted group, it's going to feel more threatening," she said. "Even if your family is not, hate affects all of us."
Allen recommends that parents start the discussion by talking about those groups and their messages, which can be threatening. Reassure children that they are safe, and that there are professionals handling the situation.
Children also find it helpful to understand their parents' feelings. "Parents can say things like 'Our family doesn't believe in hate,'" Allen said.
Other messages parents can share are that "All people have a right to live here" and that "All people have a right to have their opinions even if they're different from ours," Allen said.
The language and messages parents use with their children should be age appropriate and take into account the child's sensibilities, said Jean Kirch-Holliday, ParentLink's warmline coordinator.
For example, "they may be able to understand it intellectually, but emotionally they may not be able to understand it," said Kirch-Holliday, a licensed counselor.
Regardless of age, parents should keep their children and teens away from such demonstrations, Kirch-Holliday said.
Recognize that children, especially older ones, may need to release anger in positive, non-violent ways and feel as if they are contributing.
"Find a safe place for them to voice their views," Allen said.
More suggestions on talking to children about hate and intolerance are available at www.missourifamilies.org or by calling ParentLink at 800-552-8522 or in Spanish at 888-460-0008.
Source: Source: Kim Allen,
573-884-0644;
Jean Kirch-Holliday, 573-884-4382
Last Updated 05/05/2009
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