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Understanding Your Child
Adapted by:
Kim Leon, Ph.D., Former Human Development and Family Studies, College of Human Environmental Sciences, University of Missouri-Columbia & Leanne Spengler, Human Development Specialist, Northeast Region, University of Missouri Extension
A child is born with a unique set of personality traits
that are consistent throughout life. Parents are
responsible for understanding these traits.
Understanding a child helps parents guide and nurture
the child as he/she grows.
You can learn about your child by watching her sleep,
eat, and play. Look for the traits that are consistent.
Is he generally active and then quieter when he is
hungry or sleepy? Are there certain objects and
activities that hold her attention longer than other
objects or activities? Is he quick to adapt to changes
or does he need some time to get used to something new?
Does she have a regular schedule for sleeping and eating
every day or does the cycle change from day to day? All
of these 'behaviors' are quite normal for children and
are probably the characteristics that are normal for
your child.
Talking with your child is another important way to
gain information and understanding. With younger, less
verbal children, you may need to do some interpreting of
facial expressions and body language to understand what
they are thinking and feeling. For example, if you
notice your toddler quietly holding his favorite stuffed
animal and looking at the floor following a visit with
his grandmother, you might say, "You look sad. Are you
sad because Grandma went home?" Asking specific
questions makes it easier for children to communicate
their feelings. Instead of asking "What did you do
today?", try asking "Did you build with blocks today?
Tell me about what you built." or "Did you play with
James today? What did you play?"
Consider your child's environment when you are trying
to understand a particular behavior or pattern of
behaviors that you have observed. Parents, other
relatives, child care providers, teachers, friends, the
neighborhood, the home environment, and other aspects of
the environment all have important influences on
children's behavior. For example, if your child has
begun acting aggressively toward other children at her
daycare, think about all of the possible sources of this
aggression. Is the child being exposed to a lot of
conflict at home? Has the child been spending time with
another child who behaves aggressively? Are the
childcare provider's expectations for the child
unrealistic? Has the child been exposed to a lot of
violence on television lately? Has there been a recent
incident of violence, in the neighborhood or elsewhere,
that got a lot of public attention?
You can learn about children in general through
watching groups of children who are close to the same
age. You can read books, check out information on the
Internet, or take a class to learn about child
development. Human development is predictable because we
all go through the same stages of development. The rate
at which we go through the stage is individual.
Knowledge of child development can help parents give the
child opportunities and toys that can encourage
development as well as help parents prepare for the next
stage of their child's development. Understanding your
child and child development is important for setting
expectations and limits that are realistic for your
child.
Adapted from "Understanding Your Child," Leanne Spengler, Human Development Specialist, Pike County University of Missouri Extension Center
Last Updated 05/05/2009
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